How to manage a lake

The CPI way

• Win the contract of managing the lake by assuring all the big fish, small fish, red fish, green fish and alligators that there shall be equality, hence prosperity and peace.
• Pick the smallest fish and note it's diet.
• Make sure that the red fish, green fish and big fish get only as much as the smallest fish get to eat.
• Make friends with the alligator.
• If any fish ever feels hungry, feed it to the alligator.
• Allow mosquitoes to lay eggs in the lake.
• During subsequent elections, provide a certificate to all the mosquitoes and their larvae saying that the mosquitoes are fish and belong to the lake. Secure their vote to counter dissatisfied fish and win the elections.
• Rule the lake for the next 34 years until the water becomes green and algae, moss and bacteria infest each and every corner of the lake.
• The fish, alligator, moss, algae, bacteria, mosquitoes ( certified as fish ) finally decide to throw the contractors out of the lake.

The Bahujan Samaj Party way

• Tell the numerous small fish that they are small because of the discrimination of other big fish. That, they will get more food and allowed to grow if BSP gets the contract..
• Tell the big fish that they would live peacefully only if they patronize the BSP contractors.
• Win the contract.
• Evict the small fish from their dwelling holes in the lake and acquire the lake area to raise decorative coral polyps.
• If the fish protest, let loose the Piranha ( supposed to protect the lake from intruders ) on them.

The BJP way

• Promise a grand temple for the red fish in the middle of the lake.
• Destroy the meeting centre of the green fish in the middle of the lake. Station the piranha in the centre.
• Win the contract with the support of the emotional red fish.
• Erect a giant Scarecrow at the Pokhran corner of the lake in the name of deterring external enemies.
• Get into a dialogue with the dogs to persuade them to stop excreting on the bank.
• Turn around to find a whole pack of dogs excreting on the banks of the lake.
• Throw bombs at the dogs and scare them off. Get the emotional support of the fish and get elected for a second term.
• Invite twenty other sub-contractors to help in management.
• Undertake cleaning of the lake.
• Take a boat to the middle of the lake to initiate cleaning.
• All sub-contractors row the boat in different directions. The boat does not move, the lake is still dirty.
• Sublet the management of crab village and mollusk colony to eagles and crows.
• The eagles and crows get fat.
• Tell the lake dwellers that there is a "feel good factor" as the health of the crows and eagles is improving.

The Congress way

• Tell the small fish that they are small because of the discrimination of the big fish.
• Tell the Green fish that they are under mortal threat from the Red fish.
• Remind all lake dwellers that the Congress drove off fishermen from the lake. Also that "The Great Dolphin" which led the struggle against fishermen belonged to the Congress.
• Make friends with the alligators.
• Appoint a Shark who calls itself "Dolphin" as their leader.
• Win the contract.
• Undertake projects to clean and develop the lake.
• In the name of clean-up of the lake, secretly sell the fish-eggs, allow the alligators to eat the fish, contract out multiple projects to the crows and eagles.
• Announce brilliant programs for development of fish larvae, worms and other endangered creatures in the lake. Tax the working fish for the development work.
• Hide the taxed amount in safe holes in other ponds and lakes. Distribute some among the alligators, crows and eagles.
• When fish complain of dirt, low oxygen levels, less food, expensive food, tell them:

1. These are signs of prosperity and development. The fish are getting more food hence excreting more, the fish are growing bigger hence consuming more oxygen, food is scarce because of the "globalized" order of lakes and subsequent food shortage in other lakes.
2. If the fish still protest, call it an outcome of flawed policies of the previous contractors.
3. If fish still protest, call the protest a conspiracy of the frogs.

• Finally if some fish decide to clean the lake on their own and start eating the dirt, call them "frogs" and throw them out of the lake.